I’ve wanted to write this double-column for a while. And I feel like I’m qualified to do so. I have lived in Los Angeles for almost six years – in Marina del Rey (on the water), in Westwood (West Side), and in Studio City (the Valley). I have visited New York over 200 times since the age of eight and have spent well over a year there in total, mostly splitting time between Manhattan and Brooklyn (though I’ve been to all five boroughs), sometimes for months on end, replete with a mailing address. So, I’m going to write this in the first person for both entries. And speaking of persons, the sections describing the people of both cities must come with a massive disclaimer: any negatives may not necessarily be indicative of those indigenous to the region; after all, these are cities of transplants. OK, now I can go about properly pissing everybody off.